To be honest, I’ve always sucked at school. From the start of elementary till even now while I’m in college. It’s an undeniable fact, one I have no shame in frankly. The reason being is I couldn’t really pull myself to a high place in terms of grades because, I would always get bored of the subject we were learning and end up giving up on whatever it was. Whenever that happened, I would indulge in a long list of crafts and creativity to fill the empty space this boredom left. Which took a strong toll on my life as it was, since I would end up focusing on art instead of school.
I’ve always been an average to basic student, if anything. I wouldn’t really go anywhere without the push and pull of those around me. Sadly they had more confidence in me than I had in myself. Throughout my high-school career I tried to strive for some heading into the future but I was stumped. I didn’t know what I wanted to do…
Initially coming to FIDM I wanted to learn fashion design, because I found it intriguing and I wanted to extend my knowledge of sewing garments together, but I was steered in a different direction by my admissions counselor when she gave me a different option in terms of what I showed her of my artistic abilities. Let me clarify. Upon admissions to the school, each student is subjected to filling out a packet of a specific major to see if its something they really should be doing. My counselor thought it wise to give me the packet to a different major than the one I was applying to and was pleased by my results. That’s how I ended up in Visual Communications in the first place.
But the fact that this major is so broad, I ended up getting pulled in multiple directions and began falling into that shameful pit of despair again. I got depressed and before I knew it, my grades were so bad on top of getting sick all the time, I ended up being kicked out of the college. But I didn’t really tell people that, I mean, I already have such a negative image when it came to academics in the first place, this would have only dug the hole deeper. Only a chosen few really know what happened. If you weren’t someone I trusted you would get the “Oh I took a year off to try new things!” response. After blood, sweat, and tears, Im back in the school and trying really hard to finish up the final run I have.
You know how people tell you, it takes a while for some to finally figure out where they’re going? Yeah well it took more than a fucking lifetime for me. Here I am near the end of my college run (I have a few quarters left), I can finally say that I found where I want to go. We recently had a group editorial shoot that basically shined a light on my path for the future. It seems cliche but I can honestly say that my head felt like a compass pointing north after that day. I really want to become a stylist, whether it’s starting out as an assistant first, so be it. It doesn’t matter, as long as I get to where I want to be.
And also after what seemed like forever, I finally feel confident in myself because of the fact that I managed to stay on top of my grades (despite getting sick once or twice) which is surprising to me because I didn’t expect it to feel this good. I hope that whatever the future has in store for me, It ends up feeling as good as it does now. At least I finally have a solid goal to strive for, so that’s one thing.